I heard that journaling before bed helps to articulate thoughts and makes you more open to insights that you may have missed. So, I bought a pretty journal and started to write. I made it a point to write everyday about things I am grateful for and things I want to be better at. It felt amazing to be grateful for innumerable people and experiences in my life. But, very soon I started to observe a pattern. Every entry in my journal had at least one thing that I want to let go of or one thing I lacked. For instance, I wanted to start meditating for at least five minutes everyday or I wanted to eat nutrient dense food that included all superfoods and excluded gluten and dairy etc. or that I wanted to up-skill at work or wanted to change my job or I wanted to spend less time mindlessly scrolling on social media and instead read a good book. Do you see the pattern yet? I decided to make a list of all the things I want and those I want to get rid of. It may seem trivial, but it was an eye-opener. My list was enormous. How could that be? Was I unhappy with myself or was it just FOMO (fear of missing out)?
It is then that I understood I was being too hard on myself. The definition of perfect life continues to change every year and I am fighting a lost battle with myself.
All I should need is NOW and all that I have is NOW.
I am a daughter, a wife, a daughter-in-law, a friend trying to embrace life as it comes. The year 2020 and 2021 has taught me that I may or may not live tomorrow, so live it up now. Adoré de la vie!